[All Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible - King James Version.]

Duties Of The Master Of A Family. If you have under you a family, then you are to consider the different relationships you have with each member of the family, for in each one of them you have a work to do for God.

Duty To The Family In General. He that is the master of a family has, as master, a work to do for God, that is, the right governing of his own family. And his work is twofold. The first work involves their spiritual state, while the second concerns the outward state of each member of the family.

First, in regard to the spiritual state of family members, he should be very diligent and careful, as best he can, to help them increase their faith where it has begun and help start it where it hasn't. To this end, he should be actively and frequently laying before his household such things of God, out of His Word, as are suitable for each member. Let no man question his authority to do this according to the Word of God, for he ought to do this even if it were just something that was highly regarded, contributed to good character, and within the acceptable bounds of nature itself, particularly those things of a higher nature. Besides this, the Apostle exhorts us to "Whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, pure, lovely, and of good report, to think of them," that is, to be mindful to do them (Philippians 4:8). To be doing this in our family is worthy of much praise, and greatly becomes all Christians. This is one of the things for which God so highly commended His servant Abraham, and which so greatly affected his heart. God said, "I know him" to be a good man in what he does, for "he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord" (Genesis 18:19). This was also something that Joshua decided should be his practice as long as he remained breathing in this world. "As for me," he said, "and my household, we will serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15).

Further, we also find in the New Testament that, if any man was not faithful in leading his family in a godly walk, then he was not looked well upon by Christians, in fact, it excluded him from any church office. A [bishop or] pastor must be one that rules his own house well, having his children in subjection with all gravity. For if a man doesn't know how to rule his own house, how will he be able to take care of the church of God. "The deacon" must "be the husband of one wife, ruling their children, and their own house well" (1 Timothy 3:4-5). The Apostle seems to be establishing that a man who governs his family well has one of the qualifications for being a pastor or deacon in the house of God, for he that doesn't know how to rule his own house, how can he take care of the church of God? When we consider this, it provides light on the work involved with being master of a family with regard to his being a ruler.

Let's consider the character of church officers.

1. A pastor must be sound and uncorrupt in his doctrine; indeed, so should the master of a family. (Titus 1:9; Ephesians 6:4)
2. A pastor should be able to teach, reprove and exhort; and, so should the master of a family. (1 Timothy 3:2; Deuteronomy 6:7)
3. A pastor must himself be exemplary in faith and holiness; and also so should be the master of a family (1 Timothy 3:2-4; 4:12). David said "I will behave myself in a perfect way; I will walk in my house with a perfect heart." (Psalm 101:2)
4. A pastor should help to gather the church together; and, when they have so gathered, to pray among them and to preach to them. This is also a commendable quality in Christian masters of families.

There may be those who will object, who may say, "But my family is ungodly and unruly, rejecting all that is good. What shall I do?"

I will tell you some things you should do.

1. Although your situation is real, you still must rule over them, not them over you! You've been placed in a position of authority over them by God, and you are to use this authority to rebuke their sinful behavior, and to show them the evil of their rebelling against the Lord. This is what Eli did, although not sufficiently; and so did David (1 Samuel 2:24,25; 1 Chronicles 28:9). Also, you should remind them of how sad you were when you were in the state they're in now, and work to rescue them out of the snare of the devil. (Mark 5:19).
2. You should also encourage them to attend the public worship of God in order that their souls might be converted by God. Jacob said to his household and all who were about him, "Let us arise and go up to Bethel; and I will make there an altar unto God, who answered me in the day of my distress" (Genesis 35:3). A time would come when Hannah would carry Samuel to Shiloh so that he might abide with God forever (1 Samuel 1:22). Indeed, a soul rightly led by the Spirit is able to draw not only their families but a whole city to Jesus Christ (John 4:28-30).
3. If they're stubborn and refuse to go to public worship with you, then you should seek to bring godly and sound men to your house so that the Word of God can be preached there when you have, like Cornelius did, gathered your family and friends together (Acts 10).

You know that the jailer, Lydia, Crispus, Gaius, Stephanus, and others, along with their families, were saved by the Word preached and that some of them, if not all, by the Word preached in their houses (Acts 164-34;18:7,8;1 Corinthians 1:16). And this, for all I know, might be one reason among many why the apostles taught not only publicly but from house to house. I suggest that they did this so that they might, if possible, bring to salvation members of families who remained unconverted and in their sins (Acts 10:24;20:20,21). Some of you may remember how common it was in the day of Christ to invite Him into their houses when they had members who were afflicted and either would not or could not go to Him (Luke 7:2,3;8:41). If this happens with those who have physical diseases in their families, how much more then where there are souls that need Christ to save them from death and eternal damnation!

4. Be careful not to neglect such family duties as reading the Word and prayer. If someone in your family is saved, be encouraged. But if you are alone, know that you have both the liberty to go to God through Christ and the ability to have the entire church join with you on behalf of all those that shall be saved.
5. Be careful that you do not allow any ungodly, profane or heretical books, or any such conversations in your house. "Evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Corinthians 15:33). I refer to such profane or heretical books and similar material that tend to provoke loose living, or which oppose the fundamental truths of the Gospel. I know that Christians should be given their liberty regarding those things not addressed in the Scriptures. However, those things that run contrary to either faith or holiness should be abandoned by all Christians, especially by the pastors of churches and the masters of families. We remember how this practice was described by Jacob's commands to all of those who were in his household and with him to put away the false gods from them and to change their clothing (Genesis 35:2). In the Book of Acts we see a good example of this among those who took their pagan books and burned them in public before all men although altogether they were worth fifty thousand pieces of silver (Actsl9:18,19). The disregard of this fourth point has been the cause of ruin in many families. It is easier for those who talk about useless things and who work in dishonest ways to subvert whole households than many are aware of (Titus 1:10,11). In this way, they are able of impacting the spiritual condition of your household.

Second, in regard to the physical (or external) state of the family, we need to address three important points.

1. You are responsible to care for the physical needs of your family. "If any man provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse that an infidel" (1 Timothy 5:8). But note that, when the Word says you are to provide for your household, it does not give you the freedom to be careless or ungracious about it. Neither does it allow you to use it as an excuse to seek after the things or riches of the world in your heart, nor to delay making provisions, but to provide for them so that they may have food and clothing. And if either you or they are not content with that then you are living outside God's will (1 Timothy 6:8;Matthew 6:34). This is the work you're called to do, "to maintain good works for necessary uses" (Titus 3:14). Don't complain about doing this, for that would be unbelief. The Word says, "That God feedeth ravens, careth for sparrows, and clotheth the grass" (Luke 12:6-28). The master of the family should likewise have a desire to feed, clothe, and care for the physical needs of his family.
2. Therefore, although you should provide for the needs of your family, you should do so in moderation. "Let your moderation be known unto all men" (Philippians 5:4). Be careful of working so hard regarding the things of this world as to interfere with you or your family's duties towards God, which you are by grace obliged to do, such as private prayer, reading the Scriptures, and Christian fellowship. It is a sinful thing for men to so focus themselves and their families on the things of this world that their hearts are led away from the worship of God.

3. If you are to be the master of your family that you are called to be, you should see that there is Christian harmony among those in your family, which is appropriate for any house which is ruled by one who fears God.

1. Make sure that everyone in your family is living according to the Word of God, for although only God can rule over the heart, He expects you to rule their behavior. Otherwise, He may quickly cut them off (1 Samuel 3:11-14). Therefore, see that they remain moderate in all things, in apparel, in language, that they not be gluttons, nor drunkards. Neither allow your children to take advantage of your servants nor to act foolishly towards one another.
2. Learn to distinguish between that which family members do that offends you and that which offends God. And although you should be very zealous for the Lord and not do anything that is clearly against His will, it will be wise for you to overlook personal injuries to you and to forget them forever. "Love covereth a multitude of sins." Therefore, don't be like those who throw a fit when they are injured, but either laugh at or not severely rebuke and warn those who dishonor God. "Rule thy own house well, having thy children ... with others in thy family.... in subjection, with all gravity" (1 Timothy 3:4). Evidently, Solomon provided an impressive example of order, harmony and happiness within his own household (2 Chronicles 9:3,4).

Do you have a wife? If so, you should consider how you ought to behave in that relationship. To do this rightly, you need to consider the condition of your wife, whether she is one who believes or not.

First, if she is a believer, then:

1. You ought to bless God for her: "For her price is far above rubies, and she is the gift of God unto thee, and is for thy adorning and glory." (Proverbs 12:4;31:10;1 Corinthians 11:7). "Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised" (Proverbs 31:30).
2. There are two reasons why you ought to love her: (1) Because she is your flesh and your bone: "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh" (Ephesians 5:29). (2) Because she is an heir with you of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). This should motivate you to love her with Christian love; to love her, believing you both are dearly beloved of God and the Lord Jesus Christ, and are among those that will be together with Him in eternal happiness.
3. You should behave to and before her as does Christ to and before His church. As the Apostle said: so ought men to love their wives, "even as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for it" (Ephesians 5:25). When husbands behave themselves, as husbands should, then they act not only like husbands but, according to God's decree, in the manner of Christ to His spouse. The relationship between husbands and wives that believe is like a sweet fragrance (Ephesians 4:32). The wife signifies the church and the husband her head and savior: "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and He is the Savior of the body" (Ephesians 5:23).

Second, if your wife is not a believer, then you have another responsibility before you, which you are called to perform for a couple of reasons: (1) Because every moment she is liable to eternal damnation. (2) Because the one that is in this evil condition is your wife.

Oh! How little sense of the worth of souls is there in the heart of some husbands. We see this in their un-Christian behavior to and before their wives! Therefore, to help you in this:

1. Give serious attention to knowing her lost condition so that your heart may be concerned for her soul.
2. Be careful that you don't do anything that might encourage her to sin. Here, you need to be especially careful, for she lives closely with you and therefore is capable of noticing the smallest fault in you.
3. If she behaves in a way that is improper or disorderly, as she is inclined to do, being without Christ and His grace, then work to overcome her evil with your goodness, her arrogance with your patience and gentleness. It would be shameful for you, who lives according to different principles, to do as she does.
4. Take advantage of opportunities to persuade her. Observe her attitudes when she is most likely to listen, and then speak to her heart.
5. When you speak to her, speak with purpose. Don't be as concerned with the quantity of words you use as with their relevance.
6. Let all you do be done without animosity, or the least appearance of anger: "In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves, if.... peradventure they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will" (2 Timothy 2:25,26). "And how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife" (1 Corinthians 7:16).

If you're a father or a mother, then you need to consider your calling as a parent.

Your children have souls, and unless they are born of God as well as of you, they will perish. Also, unless you're very careful in your behavior to and before them, they may perish because of you. Your reflection on this should provoke you to both instruct and to correct them.

First, you should seek to instruct them as the Scriptures say to "bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." You are to do this diligently "when thou sittest in thine house ... when thou liest down, and when thou riseth up" (Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:7).

Now, in order for you to do this:

1. Do it using terms and words that are easy to understand: don't try to use impressive words, they will confuse your children. God spoke this way to His children (Hosea 12:10) and Paul to his (1 Corinthians 3:2).
2. Be careful not to fill their heads with daydreams and useless ideas, for this will encourage them to be flippant and proud, instead of sober and humble. Therefore, reveal to them the state of the natural man. Tell them about sin, death, and hell; about the Savior that was crucified and the promise of life through faith: "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs 22:6).
3. There should be much gentleness and patience in all of your instructions, "lest they be discouraged" (Colossians 3:21). And,
4. Work hard to convince them using responsible conversation that the things you instruct them on are not fables but realities. Indeed, the realities you speak of are so far above what can be enjoyed here in this world that, if all realities in this world were a thousand times better than they are, they would not be worth comparing with the glory and worthiness of these things.

Isaac was so holy before his children, that when Jacob remembered God, he remembered that he was "the Fear of his father Isaac" (Genesis 31:53).

Ah! When children can think of their parents and bless God for the instruction and good they've received from them, this not only benefits the children but is honorable and comforting to the parents: "The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice; and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him" (Proverbs 23:24,25).

Second, the duties of correction include the following:

1. See if plain and honest words will help deliver them from evil. This is how God deals with His children (Jeremiah 25:4,5).
2. Let the words you use to reprove them be sober, few, and pertinent, always adding some suitable verses from the Scriptures. For example, if they are guilty of lying, then you might refer to Revelations 21:8,27. lf they refuse to listen to the Word, then you might refer to 2 Chronicles 25:14-16.
3. Make sure that they do not become friends with those who are rude and ungodly, while consistently and seriously demonstrating your dislike of their misbehavior, often crying out to them as God did unto his children, "Oh, do not this abominable thing that I hate" (Jeremiah 44:4).
4. Do all this with such love, pity and concern that, if possible, they may be convinced that you like them as persons but not their sin. This is the way of God (Psalm 99:8).
5. Be often working to help them focus their consciences on the day of their death and on the judgment to come. This also is how God deals with His children (Deuteronomy 32:29).
6. If you are driven to use the rod, then do so when you are not angry. Gravely show them (1) their fault, (2) how much it hurts your heart to have to use the rod, (3) that what you do you do in good conscience before God and love for their souls, and (4) tell them that, if they had obeyed, none of this would have been necessary. I have found that this approach will impact their hearts as well as their bodies. And, being that this is the way that God deals with His children, it is the way to accomplish its purpose.
7. Follow all this with prayer to God on their behalf, leaving the matter to Him: "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him" (Proverbs 22:14).

Finally, observe these cautions:

1. Be careful that the misbehavior for which you correct your children was not, in fact, learned from your behavior.
2. Be careful not to joke about their small mistakes, unless they take your response to be one that encourages them to commit larger ones.
3. Be careful not to use unpleasant and improper words when you rebuke them because it is devilish.
4. Be careful not to use words that are overly scolding or threatening, mixed with lightness and laughter. This will tend to harden their hearts. Do not speak too much or often, but be serious and relevant in what you say to them.

© 2004 Vision Harvest, Inc.